Every time I tell him I need help he blames my mental illness and tried to get me to see my doctor but the thing is Im fine! Answer: In my experience, when people write about about whether or not they should leave their partner they have already made up their mind. Are they different? It was a full time gig, but he would come home with blisters on his hands. Hes smart as hell, a hard worker and doesnt deserve this crap. At this juncture, I need financial support from him, but would probably find my endurance to be much better if coupled with emotional support. I would vent about my situation but, I guess that makes me misogynistic? It was great for the driest year, but in the second year he decided to go to school. I feel sometimes like Im his only solace. As awful as it is, youll most likely have to resort to an ultimatum in order to get him motivated to do anything. I got my Associates Degree while my man worked and supported our two kids and myself. He keeps saying hes looking for jobs but we share an email account and there is no email trail and every time he goes on an interview (I get a call from my contacts saying he blew it). Stooge.what a powerful and much needed message I, and every other abused woman needs to hear. If your husband is trying to do something- small jobs, helping with the kids, going to school, then be patient. Now I have no qualms about women who want to work and have careers, etc But sadly, it affected almost all marriages and families into believing it was also the womans job to work outside the home.AND inside as well. He deserves it. He is ok with sleeping until 10am when he decides to wake up sits at a computer and wonders why he is not succeeding! Oh Lucky me. I understand where u r coming from. Hang in there. These conversations sadden me so I just dont talk about it with them. Here are a few ideas to help get your husband to do housework: He is working as an Uber Driver. Ive already caught him several times chatting with girls and flirting he doesnt call it flirting he calls it that he was stupid and that its nothing.. ", But for some wives, it all became too much. When you met this guy if he told you hey, I am always unemployed, my mom or a girlfriend always did my laundry and listened to my s****y stories and cleaned up after me and bailed me out of trouble,like leaving your job to go pick him up are you kidding me! IF he is NOT and is just laying around while YOU work.for YEARS.then something is seriously wrong with his character and you should probably get away as fast as possible. I send my love to everyone out there experiencing the hopelessness of their situation. Then she said she had originally planned to go to the bank in person instead, but felt a migraine coming on so wasnt going to do that either. As though that gives her permission to quit! By the way, we no longer have medical aid and our state facilities are not that great. Ive been at my current two jobs for six and a half years! I dont think as humans we were meant to constantly be exposed to the same people every minute-second-hour of the day. This is about you. 0. But the more . If you feel like you are in crisis, and are located in the US, there are several nationwide services, hotlines, and clinics that can offer support specific to your situation. No one will give her a chance to prove that she is worth something and make something of an opportunity. Im in the opposite situation. So thank you for that and I hope we all see some light at the end of the tunnel. But how long do I have to massage his ego and carry the weight? Maybe you could stay with family.like your mom until you can get your own place. I dont have time for him. One ounce of attitude, kicked to the curb. It is about. Well you should follow your heart,sometimes its not like he doesnt want a better life he just needs a push in a right direction.Do listen to your parents they dont want to see you suffer while they have raised you well believe me ul hate your life. It has been at least a year that I have been financially supporting both of us. He doesnt think hell get hired because he had a hard time getting hired the last time he decided to look. I am worried that I soon wont be able to pay the internet bill. These are prompts, not certainties but please use them as entry points into new ways of thinking about your household. ", Or as the researcher puts it: "There is an inequality of emotions here where wives' feelings matter less.". Im 50. Stress make you not able to see better, stress make you confuse and impair your confidence. You will have to stick to your word and leave in 90 days if he still wont work Because clearly that means he doesnt really love or respect you at all. So now both sexes have grounds to resent how much of their lives they spend with Toilet Duck in . It all feels super attention seeking and since I can never give him enough attention it just feels pointless. This pretty much doesnt leave us a lot to work with- and yes, this is insurance on the healthcare exchange. My husband wont even help me do my job, Im self employed, to contribute. My depression and anxiety didnt get properly treated then and mental health was a taboo subject amongst family and friends. and now when Im burnt out and falling apart, hes not being very supportive at all.saying Im overreacting. Even some of his debt is in my name. Those of you in this type of situation need to take care of yourselves, because clearly the people around you are not. I know if he truly loved me, there would b no chance of another female coming in the picture. Id have someone paying for half the cost of living rather than paying all the bills for two people (plus more if there are kids). I worked full time at a job with a long commute and eventually had to take a lower paying job closer to home because he flat out felt it wasnt his place to help with our children or domestic duties. I would tell him I would call the police and he would threaten me. Uh oh. I work 60 hours a week, still do the washing, the washing up and the housecleaning as he refuses to and keep the wolves from the door barely by juggling, dont holiday and really am a complete and utter idiot . If it helps, download a habit tracker app so you can monitor your progress. Im frustrated because it does NOT take a YEAR to get a job..ANY job, I dont care if its flipping burgers. I hope everyone continues to hold onto, suicide is not the solution and neither is losing our life to unnecessary stress. I felt so alone and Im not the most sociable person on the planet anyway. He'll do without rather than let me spend money on him. Youll find that many ideas can cross multiple realms: Mental: Attend individual and/or group therapy. So I just dont really know what to do anymore. He stays up all night when hes not working the next day keeping me up. Breadwinning wives also don't get parity in how household chores are divvied up. The woman had a stillbirth in 2021 in South Carolina, which explicitly criminalizes self-managed abortion. I still sometimes get a stomach flutter upon seeing him. Youre not 5 years old anymore, and there are no excuses for what youre putting your family through. My salary will barely cover expenses. All you are teaching them is that if they ask enough or refuse to step up themselves, you'll give them what they want. How unfairly Mrs. Clinton was treated. However, another part of the confidence stems from the support you have from your partner. I cook meals and do dishes etc most nights after coming home. You can locate a counselor in your area through our website. This is why so many people are unemployed because they are great, equivalent to franchise caliber free agents in sports and they are found to be weird or intimidating due to hiring managers being used to average and mediocre people. I want him out of my life, but he has no $$. I am 21, and she just turned 27. I do not see that you will receive any benefit from this relationship, only exhaustion. Its the laying in bed all day. If you marry him, it will possibly only get worse. It never gets better! I was given notice on my job six months ago that I was being laid off. Anything youd hire out if he were employed outside the home counts as money saved. I am just SO disappointed with him and cant believe that he would not be working around the clock with odd jobs to take care of his family. So, my husband and I moved to a new state 2 years ago, and the job we thought he would have had through a staffing agency fell through. Everyone keeps telling me to leave him but I do feel sorry for him. Carpooling to work is actually easier than having someone take you to and bring you back from an interview in a lot of ways. I work approx 60-70hrs a week regularly. I graduated in May 2014 and we started dating shortly after. The garage has not been cleaned out to make room for him to have his area. Thank you for your comment. I know he struggles too, but I feel a lot of resentment and frustration like so many other people here. News flash, he destroyed his own self esteem. I was rehired before thanksgiving. Townhall.com is the leading source for conservative news and political commentary and analysis. I do not have a degree and worked in office administration, plus I was in my 50s at that point so my prospects were grim. If you suffer from some Doctor diagnosed condition which prevents you from doing more and you are actively participating in treatmentthen this thread isnt directed at you. Its been difficult waking up early to go to work and see him still in bed sleeping, although he has said he feels bad about this. I am SO glad I stumbled upon this page today. I lost my job, deemed wrongful termination by the state. Every vacation in the last 4 months has been renigged because of illnesses and finance issues. Change yourself will be much easy. The impact of male unemployement affects female partners too. He actually left end of June and I was shocked that he actually left. 7. I am (once again) paying the rent on our four bedroom home in full, as well as the bills. The most common strategy adopted by the women was to rebuild their partner's self-worth. I struggle with knowing if divorce is the right decision for me. He also refused to claim benefits for fear this will affect his credit rating. He began drinking 12 yrs or so ago and had an accident that led him to his death,thankfully he came out of the coma and was sober for 3.5yrs. I am asking God to relieve us all of this pain we have endured. ..my partner of two years has been looking for work the whole time, as reunited after 20 years of being a part. This password will be used to sign into all, Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photos: Getty Images, Three Ex-New Yorkers on Leaving For Somewhere Cheaper, Advice for Everyone Whos Confused About Money Right Now, How to Talk About Money in Your Relationship, How Can I Get My Unemployed Husband to Do More Chores?, 39 Pairs of Sneakers to Upgrade Your Wardrobe, Im On the Hunt for the Best Sunscreens Without a White Cast, I Inherited Millions From My Mother, and Everyone Knows, Are There Any Healthier Alternatives to Gel Manicures?, Rick Scott Is Unfortunately Kind of Right About Novak Djokovic, Rick Scott Is Unfortunately Right About Novak Djokovic. We just broke up last night and I feel this amazing wave of relief and at the same time having been with the same guy for 5 years is equally devastating. But how about support for the partners of unemployed people? Sure through life we had laughs and good times , but to see life is still going on and our peers keep elevating and we just still struggling he expects money from me when my paycheck comes in every other week. A house, an employed husband, happiness . ..Over analyzing the situation. However, one job he went too, he got sick two weeks after starting and got let go, it wasnt his fault, but it seemed to trigger something, ever since then, he cant keep a job for more than a few weeks or months at a time. In many cases, this person has gone all the way through the interviewing/hiring process before determining that the job was a bad fit and deciding not to take it. He created a spreadsheet to track every cent we spend, and exactly how much we have at any given time. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. But, like the others stated, gets up late, stays up late, smokes pot. I saw the loving compliments he said to her and the way he tore me down in comparison to her in his msgs to her. Question is, who would look after the kids? I found a job in my field right away (I actually started working before I even took my final exams.) I bet he would find a job if you put him out. Clean house go find the guy you really want and take him home and make him part of your life, if its meant to be he will go willing down that road. Its a vicious familial cycle. But since he didnt we dont know what to do. He has applied for six jobs in that year SIX!!! The reasons for the business not taking off-we do not have the space he needs in our current home to do his business. Tired from what lifting the remote? We were tied down to only one vehicle and he does attend school part time, 12 hours a week. Im confused. i know this is 3 years old but for anyone reading who is going through this and NOT marriedRUN RUN RUN like the wind and do not turn back!!!! The longer someone has been out of the general workforce the harder it is to get back into it. He keeps intimating moving back home, but I dont want to. His parents have talked with my about his lack of work and Ive eloquently defended him and have expressed his lack of motivation due to depression (partly true, but mostly hes an addict). unemployed husband won't do housework. Like the illness defines me. I didnt think at the beginning, but now that I think about it, I think the reason he married me was because he knew I had a high paid job and could sustain him while he just does what he likes to do.