[The feminist movement died one millisecond after the first impact. Landygirl, I think we should stop feeding the trolls. She doesnt have to listen to him, but the concern at least needs to be addressed. It just doesnt mean that everything will be acceptable whole-heartedly. Medications interfere with birth control, not taking it at the same time and whole other host of reason why she could have legitimately gotten pregnant on birth control. If the man doesnt, apparently you feel that he should not have that option. Dont get me wrong, the child should be taken care of and taken responsibility for but it can never be the reason why you do or dont stay together that decision should be based purely on the possibility for a good relationship between you grown ups. Now, the woman could want it and the dude not want it. The guy had sex with someone who got pregnant. End of story. Steve Kellmeyer Both parties should be concerned about birth control. Inc. Lee's Summit MO. A pregnancy, especially an unplanned one with no real relationship behind it is not a reason to stay together. This is so hard for me. April 9, 2012, 10:01 am. My takeaway from this is that men should never have sex unless theyre sterile or want to have children, and even then they should never have sex unless they plan to never have sex with a different person in the future because there is absolutely no way to avoid all sexually transmitted diseases aside from the complete lack of sexual contact. While I realize that this is a stressful situation, your letter indicates that you will always harbor resentment for this child and this woman who will be in you and your boyfriends lives FOREVER. So, if she opted for an abortion and he was furious with her for not keeping the baby, would he be scum? Again, youre defending this guys right to have sex and that is absurd to me. He can change his mind at any time and will likely get visitation at minimum. And _JSW_, if youre reading this too, thanks for an interesting evening. You deserve more than you are getting but if you accept less you will get less! Well, ok. But thats a crime? Im pretty sure the guy is being called scum because of his shitty attitude towards the pregnancy and the unborn child. Its wrong and its not fair, and thats what should be changed, not the fact that a man who voluntarily engaged in activities that everyone knows could result in pregnancy can *gasp* be sued for child support for a kid he doesnt really want. She didnt ask for any help with the other women so why would people be throwing out their opinions on that? Especially if you think the laws are unfair, I think youd be particularly cautious in your actions. and the man has the option to take extra precaution and choose to wear a condom. The LW clearly believes that this is the case, and an objective reading of the circumstances she describes suggests that its a legitimate consideration. Case in point: my mother was mentally ill, verbally and physically abusive, and vindictive enough to hurt my siblings and I just to spite my father, and she STILL got joint custody. For anyone. reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): A And now that theres a pregnancy and the options arent his hes furious at the woman he impregnated because it isnt going the way he wants. Good. Since you obviously cant formulate a cogent argument on the merit of these laws in response to my questions (as it doesnt interest you), I wonder why you keep going out of your way to engage this conversation. LW, your anger is misdirected. It is my argument that only an ass would be furious at anyone other than himself when he becomes obligated to provide for a child that he created. Um, yeah. Theres a fun scenario. Just sayin. Child support, such as it is, is frequently used as stealth spousal support. This gets to the basic conflict. Either_Coconut 3 mo. April 9, 2012, 12:39 pm. This guy, you can most definitely live without. But, now hes faced with the unwanted consequences of that choice, and while its unfortunate, its how life works. He could have also said he wants the baby, and the LW is lying. My point was BOTH of them are responsible NOT just one of them. Is it the fact that he wants something different from what she does that makes him scum? sorry lbh this actually doesnt have anything to do with your comment, i agree with you. lets_be_honest You mean, a man shouldnt be able to decide to throw money at his child, but never once be involved whatsoever in the childs life? Can you blame me for feeling this way? Itll take work and patience, but he CAN be a father to the baby, and a partner to you.. Everyone was always on the pill, or the condom broke and plan b didnt work, or things like that. Men cant choose to abort because biology dictates that the fetus is not in their body. And no it shouldnt be just the womans responsibility that the bf just met if she decides to not have an abortion or give the child up for adoption. 3. its up to you wether to stay his friend or not. Dude, thats seriously out of line. bittergaymark He slept with a woman he believed to be on the pill. Is that fair to women? I gave him a green flag to make his decision and let him off the hook for any and all care and support, so long as such decision was irrevocable. Oh, and of course, hes also called a dick, and ass, and other choice names. Oh I completely agree! Well, I guess its good that you now know that you cant bear life without each other, but that seems a bit juvenile to me. Id confirm that shes actually pregnant But I believe theres a definite difference. A douchenozzle? Its a difficult question. April 9, 2012, 2:07 pm. As of now, all he has done is indicated that he wanted her to have an abortion. Liberals only think of themselves. Id at least like a comment from the LW, since, as much fun as this has been, I do agree that it seems not unlikely that the letter is contrived. Its not a crime to have unprotected sex, dangerous and irresponsible, but not a crime. Everyone is in charge of their own decisions. Womans body, womans choice, womans child, NEVER is it the mans child. You deserve each other! But woman, grow the hell up. lets_be_honest That is lie fed to naive girlfriends/wives. Personally, I wouldnt. That can either be a blessing or a curse, depending on your views of abortion, where you are in your life, who your partner is, etc. Definitely do a paternity test to be sure but if he follows through with not being a part of the childs life, hes a scumbag. Senior year of high school, you turn to your boyfriend and say the words hes been dying to hear I think Im ready. He responds with Great, Im totally ready to be a dad anyway. Uh, no, were using protection. No, I know. Life isnt fair. So, therefore, Im not so sure what you are finding so hard to get over about him, and why do you let him keep coming back into your life? Pretty sure this: and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby is the browbeat part. so its a little early to judge. Mmmhmm, I thought so. April 9, 2012, 5:05 pm. April 9, 2012, 12:29 pm. Its been done and will continue to be done, as long as accidents, divorce, and death happen. Ill weigh in on this If its a guy I dont know well enough regarding his sexual prowess, no way am I going down on him. honeybeenicki They wanted the child and now they want to whine about how hard it is? He never denies the kid is his: he even offered to support the child, though he doesnt want to be apart of the childs life. evanscr05 door to door service. The rest of us enjoy it, I think people dont give the blow job enough credit. Barely nine months after we said our final goodbye, he was the father of a baby boy. Comparing your own experience to other people's. If you and your partner don't feel like you're getting the love you deserve, one of you could cheat. I just found out 4 days ago that my ex got a girl pregnant. -Wants nothing to do with his own child. Youre wondering if he will marry her. April 9, 2012, 7:25 pm, I agree. She might not have been on the Pill, but that was a risk that he chose to take by having sex with someone he knew for two minutes without a condom. I mean every word! People arent calling him scum for having unprotected sex with a women he was dating. In fact, it may not even be anger you feel, but hurt or you feel threatened by this pregnancy. Of all the methods, IV drug use is the most effective. April 9, 2012, 6:16 pm. and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. I see no reason why the mother in this scenario cannot be a great parent who can explain, in a way that doesnt hurt them or damage their self-worth, why they were put up for adoption [or only have one parent involved], SpaceySteph iseeshiny No. He doesnt have to have a romantic relatioship with her, but if she keeps the baby, and IF he is a real man, then this woman will be in his life for the rest of his, as the child is her child as well as his. Because thats really not that old. She never said an unkind word about him and made sure I knew that hed fulfilled his obligations by paying child support. I think that gives you a little time to get on her good side and work on those shortcomings. IF men want to engage in condomless sex and want a choice (which women DONt have btw, we dont TELL our bodies when we want our eggs fertilized and when we dont, I WISH we could that would be such an intelligent design feature!) I have no doubt theyll be happy, healthy, and well-adjusted with a mom so loving as you! He has made it clear that he wants a pregnancy to be terminated. This is the set up for some serious melodrama. Hi. April 10, 2012, 5:35 pm. After 7 months I moved back, but upon moving back he made a confession to me. The thought of a child waiting for him at home makes going away so much easier. My biological father, whom Ive never met, responsibly paid child support and didnt confuse me by dropping in and out of my life. And since placement errs to the mother, so does support for the exact reason you pointed out above, Addie: support is a gender-blind concept. Apparently not him, because the LW never says he ordered her to abort. Best of luck. Besides, he made that choice a long time ago when you broke up the first time. Youre reading waaaayyyy too much into what I said. personally i think this is a confusing, gray area that Im not sure I know the answer to. Temperance April 10, 2012, 10:20 pm. Jimmy and Susie are in love. But instead, she rushed into a new relationship with some new guy, got pregnant, and appeared completely irresponsible. And as far as I can tell, it happens an awful lot. What would you tell your girlfriend or sister if they were in the same situation is always a good go-to. she may well not be at all thrilled to be pregnant and not expecting anything from this guy. evanscr05 2. Close to $1,000 and thats for a shitty one. People are calling the LW names (harsh names to be sure) based on the way she is reacting in this letter. He basically put you out of his mind, then he wanted you to assume his guilt. Bow out gracefully and give him the space he doesnt know he needs to get his life together. Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. Given that youve never met him, how is it that you can be so sure of that? April 9, 2012, 1:10 pm. You have no opinion in this matter. Whats your personal experience with forced fatherhood, no say over an abortion or crippling child support? So, in your opinion, anyone who has sex without wanting to get pregnant is an idiot?. Im simply responding to the information in the letter because, not knowing these people personally, I have nothing else to go on. Lucky us. And yes, women do use the laws to trap men into financing their lifestyle of choice (as a single mother).. Kind of sounds like it was written by an extremely immature middle aged woman. Everyone knows it. Ok, so this dude: If the woman is not required to support a child Men should not rely on women for their own birth control unless the two people in question are in a committed relationship. Knowing him for two minutes is not significant at all to a woman who feels that abortion is morally wrong for religious reasons. I know one 40yr old lady who got pregnant after having her tubes tied. I think both you and JR are twisting this around to make it sound like we dont like the dude because were prudes who dont believe in casual sex, or that were siding with the LW or something, when most of us actually said that we believe that the LW is as scumy as the dude. Thats not the point here. Only it is the LW who seems intent on absolving the boyfriend from all responsibility saying furious. Its fucking unfair. I wouldnt want to hang around to find out. He was instrumental in the whole zygote creating you know that thing that turned into a baby Whats that? The court considers the psychological effects on the child before ordering support. Whatever. That could very well be true I just tried to answer the letter as if whatever the LW said had some truth to it (like that the other woman was having the baby to purposely lure the guy into a relationship with her, etc.) I dont knowMaybe Im looking at this from the perspective of being an adopted child or having witnessed a friends situation, but I dont think this guy is the worlds worst person like everyone else (but hes still an asshole). That is how we got our first kid. During the time we both were studying for the bar, we were on a break. As Ive gotten older shes told me more details about the situation (they were tenants in the same complex working towards professional education [law and med school] and both around age 30; I was a surprise and he was more dedicated to completing his education, while she wasnt upset that she would be a mother sooner. She says the girl says she got pregnant while on birth control, puh leaaaaaaaaaase. ! I weep for the younger folks out there. Its as simple as saying you are on the pill when you arent. I would also ask him to get an STD test because he had unprotected sex. They way the *LW* is painting the picture here of how she and her bf are treating the unborn child is unfair to the child and is why people are reacting the way they are. The waiter has no idea that she has a severe allergy to peanuts, so doesnt tell the kitchen to change gloves when preparing her meal. John Rohan So sad that anyone would think its even necessary to implement such a system. And alimony is given to whichever spouse made less income, not women as a rule. just as she has the responsibility not to lie. Its more than I can handle on a Monday! I dont want to be too harsh on the LW because emotions are a messy messy thing and Im not at all eloquent when Im upset. , CatsMeow If the woman wants to have a child, then she can, but thats a decision she makes because its happening in her own body. If he didnt want to make a baby, he should have been wearing condoms or not having sex at all. You have to be mature and know what is best for you. Leaving the issues of the suggested abortion and unprotected sex aside (which have also been beaten over the head on this thread), that was what really struck me as I was looking through these comments. April 10, 2012, 9:46 pm. Yes, its true it is past the point. I dont think hes a bad guy for having sex with this other woman, and it was his decision to not use a condom. I am not entirely sure how this applies when the kids are not the product of both people, but when it is mom, dad, junior and junette junior and junette do not always come first, always. Equal protection under the law, etc, etc. A kid is not a building. April 9, 2012, 4:51 pm. WTF are you reading? On the other hand, once Im in a committed and loving relationship, I like giving blow jobs, even though I dont have any physical satisfaction from it. You dont really get a say in this matter. Dude, thats seriously out of line. We decided to get back together as we cant bear life without each other.